The Power of Personal Networks: Leveraging Your Sphere for Real Estate Success

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:00:11 to 00:00:48

All right, I'm just playing with things a little bit there, so working on my production value here a little bit, but hello, everybody. My name is Mike Mills. Welcome to the Texas Real Estate and Finance Podcast. Am a mortgage maker here in the DFW area, and my team's focus here locally is to help agents grow their business by providing insight into all aspects of real estate. We can show you how to better market yourself, provide referrals to great real estate related vendors in the area that will take amazing care of your clients and provide some simple tips and tricks to kind of help you streamline your business so you can help more buyers and sellers.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:00:48 to 00:01:11

So if you'd like to have a conversation about your business and what we can do to help, please do not hesitate to reach out. And of course, if you have any buyers needing to get pre approved or for the purchase of a home, we would love to help them as well. And speaking of better ways to market yourself today, I am pleased to welcome Miss Leslie Stegmeier to the podcast. Hey there. And you get fanfare.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:01:11 to 00:01:35

I love that. I was born for applause. That's right. So, Leslie, she's the broker for Stegmire Realty, and they're based in downtown Fort Worth. She's been an agent for almost ten years, and she started her brokerage back in 2020, and prior to that, in another life, she was an accountant and a massage therapist.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:01:35 to 00:01:54

So those are pretty diverse little ranges of things that you do. But what she's here today to talk to our tens and tens of people watching is how to grow your business using your sphere, especially related to real estate. So how's life treating you today, Les? It's great. Yes.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:01:55 to 00:01:59

It's lighting. It is. I'm here for it. I'm glad. Everybody says they love the lighting in here.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:01:59 to 00:02:25

This was totally by accident, I promise you. It was never something that I thought about, but it just kind of worked out that way. So today we're going to talk a little bit about you. We're going to discuss some of your practices, tips, and systems that you have for kind of working out your sphere. And maybe at the end we'll get into a little bit of your life of living in recovery, which I think is a great topic because you've been sober for eight years.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:02:25 to 00:02:56

And I think there's a lot of people out there, especially real estate, because Lord knows there's a lot of alcohol flowing around in real estate and stress that people would definitely benefit from hearing for your story. So I want to get into all that as well. But before we do all that stuff, tell me a little bit about how you landed into the real estate gig to start with. Okay, so I graduated with my master's in accounting and I worked for a public firm in Fort Worth, I guess it was. Long story, short.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:02:56 to 00:03:02

It's been six years in school. I did that job for nine months. So you went to school for an accounting degree. Okay. All right.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:03:02 to 00:03:13

For six years. Hey, kids, try out a profession before you go intern somewhere. I love accounting. I love accounting, and I tell people all the time. I would do it to this day.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:03:13 to 00:03:23

If half the day was people and half the day was numbers. Guess what job allows for that welcome. Yeah. So I left. It was also at a very difficult time.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:03:23 to 00:03:44

Everything, like, coincided, so I just knew that I wasn't actually what happened is, I looked around, and I saw the partners who are in their sixty S, and they were working the same hours. I was I know the feeling. Like, 60 to 80 hours a week, twice a year. And I just looked around, and I was like, oh, this is forever. And I was like, I don't want to do this.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:03:45 to 00:03:52

And I left. My personal CPA is still from the friend I met at that firm. Oh, well, that's awesome. All of my stuff. Yes.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:03:52 to 00:04:08

Okay, that's good. At least you made a contact that helped you later in life, so there wasn't a complete waste of time. Right. I think I left the beginning of during tax season, but I left all my notes on all my files and was like, I'm not returning. And that was not the way to quit, everybody.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:04:10 to 00:04:37

It's part of my recovery story, too, but I hit a wall, and I had to leave. And so I spent that summer I did work, just went back to being a massage therapist with my master's degree. So you say you went back to so you kind of did it while you were in college. I went to massage school because I just needed something that made more money than Sonic, even though I loved working at Sonic. Husband's checking in, saying, you look great in the lighting.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:04:37 to 00:04:59

Yeah, he's so is he our oh, we have three viewers. Okay, I can't look at that. No, don't look at that. Okay. So I ended up getting sober that April of 2014, and then I spent the summer interviewing people and what they did, because I realized I had spent nine years or six years in school to do something that I wasn't in love with.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:04:59 to 00:05:12

And so I interviewed people. I had a list of questions like, what are your hours? What are your stress levels? And I was bamboozled into real estate because somebody told me the hours were great and the stress level was okay. Well, the hours aren't.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:05:12 to 00:05:25

I mean, it all depends on what you define as great, right? I'm a workaholic. Yeah, well but I did it to myself. So I literally had, like, a SWOT analysis, and I looked at everything, and it was the low barrier. Wait, hang on, hang on.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:05:25 to 00:05:34

So you wrote out a SWOT analysis? Did you write it out you wrote it out. Yes, you did. Of course you did. I went to business school.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:05:35 to 00:05:53

It was a low barrier to entry. Yes, but because I don't know if this is 80% of real estate agents don't make it, don't renew their license at the two year mark. Right. And I think it's because it's just a low barrier entry. And agents well, I don't watch any of those shows about real estate agents.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:05:53 to 00:06:14

I'm bitter now because I'm like, that is not real, and we work really hard, and I just refuse to watch them. But I thought I'll give it a whirl. It wasn't six years in school and all of that student because I did that all on my own. I do use my degree, and it allows me to talk to people in a different way, and I just think a little differently. So someone got me to real estate.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:06:14 to 00:06:29

I joined a team, and I was on that team for a year, and then I decided to leave the team and go on my own, and I just haven't looked back. In a nutshell, it's been great. So you started off with a team before you. Okay. So what was your experience like being on a team?

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:06:29 to 00:06:39

And did you take something from that specifically that either led you to want to do it on your own, or what was the reasoning beside, like, okay, I'm on a team, but now I don't want to be on a team anymore?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:06:42 to 00:06:51

I did not like online leads. Okay, perfect. And that's what we had to work with. That's right. So when I got towards the end of that year, I looked at my business, and a lot of it was sphere.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:06:51 to 00:07:07

Right. It just was. And we'll get into that. But I thought to myself, and I wanted to take listings, and at that time, that team leader wouldn't let you either buyer's, agent or that. So on the team, you couldn't take listings, so you didn't have an option.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:07:07 to 00:07:20

You couldn't list your own. So if somebody came to you, your best friend was like, hey, I want you to list my house. You couldn't do that. Yeah. And so she has since changed that model, but at the time, that was her model, and I and I understood, yeah, everybody's got the way that but I was terrified.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:07:20 to 00:07:30

Yeah, I was absolutely terrified. And somebody took me to lunch, and I was going to leave real estate. I was so scared. And they were like, Leslie. And they were like, looked at my numbers and talked to me, and they're like, you can do this.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:07:30 to 00:07:42

And I doubled my business the next. It's awesome. And then it's grown. Not substantially, but now I have paid help, so I can grow. And I was thinking about that.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:07:42 to 00:07:52

I don't really, technically, at this moment, make more money with paid help, but I have more free time. Right? Well, I mean, everybody measures their whatever you want to call it success. Right? They all measure a little differently.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:07:53 to 00:08:13

Sometimes it's money. Sometimes it's notoriety. Sometimes it's freedom to be able to do what you want to do. I think there's plenty of people out there that have a good income or a good living that they make that don't want to go to the next level, as you would call it, right? Not everybody wants to be the best person on the planet at whatever it is they're doing.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:08:13 to 00:08:51

They just want to make enough money to support their lifestyle, that they enjoy hanging out with their friends or going and traveling or doing whatever. And I think it's funny how sometimes we say we villainize it, but as a general rule, we go, oh, they don't want to achieve in our industry. Well, what is your version of what's successful and what's not? Maybe that person wants to just spend a whole lot of time with their family and then make enough money to allow themselves to do that. So I don't know that I think it's one of those things that not one size fits all, everybody's totally agree measure of success, and everybody's definition of success is way different, and you shouldn't judge yourself against other people.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:08:51 to 00:09:07

And that's kind of what led me we'll get there of how I went off on my own yes. Was that I got my official contributor checking in. Always got a notice when Conrad pops in. So Conrad's another agent here locally, one of my favorite investor. He does a lot of if you want to learn how to invest in real estate, that's the dude for you.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:09:07 to 00:09:21

So. Hello, Conrad. Thanks for popping in, buddy. Okay, so I want to get to the nitty gritty, as they call it. So you've built your business over the years being an expert, working your sphere, as you talked about just a second ago.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:09:21 to 00:10:04

So let's start really simply to anybody out there that doesn't understand what exactly that is, which I think most people do, but maybe not to the depths of it. How would you define what a sphere is? In a nutshell, it's anybody that already knows, likes, and trusts you just knows you. So my sphere consists of people I went to high school with, people I went to elementary school with, people from my youth group, people from Recovery, family and friends of friends. Okay, so basically, anyone that you have some level of relationship with from some aspect of your life, and it could be anything, right?

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:10:04 to 00:10:20

It could be family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, whatever. So that is your sphere. That's the people that you want to sell to. And I think most agents that work in real estate get probably a good chunk of their business from that. Right?

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:10:20 to 00:10:40

Third party leads are great, and it's a good way to kind of practice. And if you're really good at systems and processes and follow ups and all of that kind of stuff. There is plenty of agents that have had a ton of success working third party leads, the Zillows and real geeks of the world. So there's nothing again, it's the same thing. Just like your level of success, one size doesn't fit all.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:10:40 to 00:11:07

There's not one method to everything. Right. But if you were an agent that was more gravitating to working your sphere, why do you think that that, especially for new agents, is a little bit more of a successful strategy out of the shoot? Because they already know you, like you and trust you. You already have authority in their life, and they're going to trust that you're going to take good care of them.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:11:07 to 00:11:34

Right? Yeah. So they've developed a certain level of trust, essentially with you from whatever aspect that they've seen you working. Know, it's funny, I haven't done it in a while, but when I first got into the business, I used to go to Champions School of Realty of Real Estate, and I would sponsor lunches and stuff. I would go in there, and usually I always gravitated to the newer agents because I was kind of new in the business, too.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:11:34 to 00:12:07

So it's kind of one of those things you don't want to sound like a moron. You only know what you know. So I would sponsor the lunch, and they would let you get up there and talk for 15 or ten minutes or whatever when you bring in the food and they're in between classes or whatever. Most of these people didn't have their license, so I would always ask the question in the room. I'm like, okay, for everybody that's here, I would have them raise their hand to tell me who, once they get their license, is going to have a contract basically ready to go, whether it be a listing agreement or whether it be a buyer that's ready to start looking for homes.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:12:07 to 00:12:14

Who is there's? Amy Jenkins is checking in with you. That's my friend. That's right. She is your friend.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:12:14 to 00:12:39

She says hi, my friend. But I would ask them the question and say, okay, who has the deal ready to go as soon as your license hits? And 80% of the room would raise their hands because they were in this situation where they were working on getting their license. They were excited about it because it was a new adventure for them. So they're telling all their friends every time they meet with somebody and have lunch, they're talking about real estate and how excited they are to get into it.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:12:39 to 00:12:56

And that activity and doing that thing on a regular basis automatically gave them business ready to go. Because people want to help you out. If you're starting a new endeavor and you're doing something that's brand new in your life, generally speaking, somebody wants to help. I have a house to list, or I have a friend that wants to right. Guess what?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:12:57 to 00:13:31

I had three right my first three clients. Exactly. Two of my coworkers and somebody else. Yes, but what you were talking about is when you know people and that is your sphere and you're discussing these things with people, then that business just kind of appears and shows up. So for newer agents coming into the business, what do you think that they should be doing, especially right out of the gate, whether they're getting their license or whether within the first six months or is what is a couple of necessary things they need to start working on to get there?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:13:31 to 00:13:36

I'm ready. All right, let's go. So you need to build a spreadsheet. Okay. And you're going to go through Facebook, go through your phone.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:13:37 to 00:13:52

You're going to write down the first and last name of everyone that you would think would want to get a business card from you. Okay. And that should be a lot of people. But, you know, there's still some people where I'm like, they don't want that. Not that they don't like me.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:13:52 to 00:13:58

They're just like, we're just not that close. Right. I have 3000 Facebook friends, right? Yeah. Not everybody wants to be your best buddy.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:13:58 to 00:14:02

Which, by the way, did you like my shirt? Did you wear that just for me? I wore this just for you. Here for that? Yes.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:14:02 to 00:14:07

Did we just become best friends? This is my shirt because we're talking about spheres. So we got to have all your friends. Anyway. Sorry.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:14:07 to 00:14:21

And I have a lot of best friends. That's right. Okay. And so you're going to take that list and you're going to just say, hey, I'm getting my real estate, like, shoot them a message on Facebook and say, hey, I just got my real estate license, or I'm getting my real estate license. I wanted to see if I could send you a business card.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:14:21 to 00:14:35

Whoever writes back. Okay. And then you have a letter, and if you can Google that or you want to copy, let me know. And it's just like, I'm super excited to announce that I've joined here. And in your tone, you need to write things that sound like they come from you.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:14:35 to 00:14:46

Yeah. Don't sound like the telemarketer that's calling just to check in with you. Okay. So I love this. So you're saying what you do or what you should do, and one of the things that you've done by the way, rachel is checking in with us as well.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:14:46 to 00:14:54

She says hello. You got a big fan base here today. So everybody's you can't see right there. No, it says hidden. Oh, does it really?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:14:54 to 00:15:05

On your screen, you can't see all my real estate friends and my friends. I know, I know. They're all checking. So so you're saying a good tactic is go through your phone, go through your Facebook, write down all the names. You're going to use that forever.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:15:05 to 00:15:22

Right. This is a database is what you're creating. Right. And then you're getting all their contact info. And then I think it's almost like a soft lead in to where you're messaging them on Facebook or whatever social media that you have and saying, hey, I just started my business getting into real estate.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:15:23 to 00:15:30

Can I send you a business card? That's all you're saying. And who's going to say no to that, right? They don't respond. I mean, some people respond two months later or never.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:15:30 to 00:15:40

And if they don't, it depends on how aggressive you are. Right. I have built my whole I'm aggressive for my clients, but not to people. Track them with honey. Right.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:15:40 to 00:16:02

And then I ask, okay, can I grab your birthday? Yes. Just an email address. And you just want to basically get all the info to start creating your database. And if you have that in that Excel spreadsheet, you can use it in any software you end up going with for a client relationship management software or for a birthday card software, whatever you're going to do with this.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:16:02 to 00:16:21

But this is the most important piece. That's where you start. The database piece of it is very important because that is all of your future business, your current future, where you go to from there. Absolutely. And I would imagine that it would be important after you have your transactions, to make sure that those people go in there as well, too, if they didn't start.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:16:21 to 00:16:36

Yes, and it just grows, and you add to it. And I've have probably several different copies, and I have one on a Google Drive sheet. Right. And sometimes I have to merge them and figure out because I pay an admin to keep me organized. But I love people.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:16:36 to 00:16:50

Not so much the organization part, but yes, and put them all in one spot. And if you change software, then you can download that and have it. Which is why Excel is such a good tool, such a great just because you can put it in whatever. And sometimes you have to be careful because well, I don't know. You can tell me this.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:16:50 to 00:17:14

In the world of real estate brokers and agencies that you work for and teams, if you bring your database to the game, right, you're like, you join a new team, you're like, hey, I'm going to bring my database with me. Is it a standard practice? Anybody that you get new while you're with that team that stays technically is supposed to stay with that brokerage, or are there some that do that and some that don't? I think there's some that do and some that don't. Okay.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:17:14 to 00:17:26

I think it depends on and I would ask that if you're going to a team, I would ask that up front. Is this your client? And what if that person sends me referrals? This is that, right? So kind of establish the ground rules up front.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:17:26 to 00:17:36

Basically, it should be in like a written handbook, right? When you join a team or a company. Okay. Is that typical? Do people have, like do agents or brokers have here's all the rules, here's what we do.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:17:36 to 00:17:41

Or some do and some don't? They should. They should. Yeah. If you're a broker, you have to have something.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:17:42 to 00:17:54

But then a lot of teams, well established teams, do have that in place. Got you. So they give you some stuff ahead of time. Like, here's what we're going to do. Here's how this relationship is going to be structured, and here's what happens if you stay and if you go and all that kind of stuff.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:17:54 to 00:18:13

Okay, so what do you do on a weekly, daily, monthly basis to kind of make sure that you maintain contact with all of those people in your sphere? Do you break them up into chunks? Do you have certain days that you reach out to people? What's kind of your methods on how you keep in touch with people? Social media.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:18:13 to 00:18:30

Okay, I would love to tell you I have some really well built out system. Actually, I do have a spreadsheet, not of those people right, but of anybody that spoke to me about real estate. And they go on a separate spreadsheet, and they're kind of color coded for my brain. And those people I stay on top with. Okay.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:18:30 to 00:18:45

But other than that, I have a lot of friends, and I like a lot of friends. I love everybody, and everybody becomes my friend, right? But I stay on social media. I stay in contact with them when I see something. This is really what it's about.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:18:47 to 00:19:07

I truly care. Have you ever taken the Strength Finder test? I have not. I mean, is that the thing at the arcade where you punch the bag and it tells you I would tell that okay, that's the only Strength Finder test that I've ever done. So when I was at the accounting firm, the women of the organization did a little class on Strength Finder, and we all had to take the test.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:19:07 to 00:19:12

What is strength? Finder. Okay, it's a personality test. Okay. Basically, Gallup Poll.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:19:12 to 00:19:15

Got you. It's a book. You can buy it. I love it. We should do that.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:19:15 to 00:19:29

And my test came up. My number one. This is how I knew I wasn't meant to be an accountant, too. My number one strength was a wooer, and it means winning others over, which sounds I mean, it can sound bad. I mean, I'd like to be a wooer.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:19:29 to 00:19:45

I'm a woo. Talk real low like this. I can woo lots of people. But what it meant when I read it in the book was if you were to come with me to a party, I am going to say hi to everyone there, and I'm going to run up to them and be like, I love you. How have you been?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:19:45 to 00:20:04

And as soon as we are done with that, I have spotted my next friend, and I genuinely want to hear about your life, what's going on? And I can't ever leave a party or a room because I've said goodbye 30 times. And I'm talking to everyone. Here's how your husband feels about it. You're determined to be their best friend.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:20:04 to 00:20:14

Everyone's my best friend. That's right. We just became best friends. Everyone is. And so when I see somebody post on social media, it's a call, it's a text.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:20:15 to 00:20:23

That's exciting. I have terrible handwriting. I wasn't meant to be. My mom says I was supposed to be a doctor, so I don't like writing hand notes. But I will call.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:20:23 to 00:20:31

I'll be funny. I'll send you funny memes. But I recognize you. And this is what I would do if I was not in real estate. Okay?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:20:31 to 00:20:54

So it's very hard to tell someone to start if it's not authentic to them. But I actually was brought in to teach a class with a team. They let me take somebody to teach something I wasn't strong at. And I came in and taught working by referral, and the team leader was like and I was like, this is news. I just thought everybody was like this.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:20:55 to 00:21:22

So the fact that people aren't is shocking to me, but I make people feel seen, heard, and important. And if you can just start to practice that instead of just liking it, why don't you shoot them a text? Why don't you call them? You probably want to and mean to just take the next step and the action. So it's like intentional engagement is what you're doing, right?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:21:22 to 00:21:51

Yeah. I think what's funny is I don't know if I told you this when we talked last time, but my wife's also an agent, and she kind of built her business in a very similar way, and it was unintentional because, like you, she just wants to be everybody's friend and wants to know what's going. So she would interact with people on Facebook, because that's just what she know. She was like, oh, that vacation looks like fun, or Your kids look so grown up, or whatever. Right.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:21:51 to 00:22:21

But it's constant communication on social media because she didn't do it on purpose. It wasn't like she was planning this out. It was just kind of how it worked out. But I feel like what you're saying is if you see somebody's post or whatever and you have a thought in your brain about, oh, I'm so happy that they're having fun, or I'm about take the next step and send them a message or comment on the picture or send them a direct message or text them or whatever. Because then that reminds them that you exist, right?

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:22:21 to 00:22:39

And that you're in the world and you're thinking about them. And that's a genuine feeling that you had. And so you're just taking the next step of being a little bit more intentional about sharing those feelings, right? Yeah, you're just taking the next step. And the other things that I do because it's hard to see 1 million people in a year that you love and care about.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:22:39 to 00:22:51

Yes. I do host a client event. I want to host two, but I want them to be fun. You would think I'm a fun haver, but I'm not a fun haver. I'm very busy.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:22:51 to 00:23:02

I do this client event at Christmas where I rent out a photography studio. Okay. And I rent to Santa Claus. And this year I ended up with Neiman Marcus Santa. He let us know that I was.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:23:02 to 00:23:16

He'S like, I don't know if you understand this, but I'm like, next level. Like, I'm not know, department store Santa or I guess that is he's at the but he's at the top. Yes. And so I had a professional photographer come in. This is the second time I've done this event.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:23:16 to 00:23:32

I did it once before COVID and then I'm going to be bringing it back every year now. And then everyone comes and we have prizes, and you get your Christmas card photo. You get, like, between three and ten shots, and your kids get to visit Santa. Yes. And it's not a crowded mall.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:23:33 to 00:23:47

So I want to ask you a question. So anytime, whenever I talk to agents about their little hacks, the agent hacks, what we do, how we host things. So some people are very protective. Well, I don't want to tell everybody what my secrets are. What do you think about that philosophy?

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:23:47 to 00:24:15

Just as far as I don't have a problem, you're basically saying, here's what I do, and if you want to steal my idea, go for it. So why do you think that there are some people that are hesitant about sharing their methods of marketing and their methods of staying in contact with people? Why is that scarcity thing such a big deal with agents, do you think? Sometimes I think they come from a lack of mentality instead of an abundance mentality. Okay, so there's plenty of business to go around.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:24:15 to 00:24:23

Yes, there is so much business to go around. Yes. Well, maybe not as much right now. But maybe not enough. It'll come back.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:24:23 to 00:24:27

It's coming back. It's coming back. Those rates are better than they were. We'll take them. Yes.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:24:28 to 00:24:55

I think it's just a scarcity mindset, and I want you to be my best friend, so I'll tell you what I'm doing. So how do you feel then about talking about mindset and practices? And you'd mentioned something earlier about talking with mentor or having a team lead teach you how to do things. What are your thoughts on training and coaching? Because especially what you see a lot of times in today's market is because things have slowed down a little bit.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:24:55 to 00:25:09

There's a lot of people that are getting into coaching. They're like, hey, I'm a real estate coach, or, hey, I'm a lender mortgage coach or I'm a social media coach, or whatever. And I think those have value to it. To some extent, for sure, actually. But it depends on who it is and all that, how that works.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:25:09 to 00:25:24

But what's your general philosophy on those kind of things? I have never been afraid to try things. Okay. I have failed at a lot, but I call it real estate karma, right? So it's really wild.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:25:25 to 00:25:43

My husband can vouch. I will put in money and time over here and I really gave it a whirl and nothing came from it. But then over here comes three deals and I just call it real estate karma. So don't be afraid to try things. But I would say vet and really do a deep dive on if you're going to pay for a coaching.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:25:43 to 00:25:55

What does it look like? What are you getting? I've tried a few and sometimes I just didn't have the time. Things just weren't built out for me. But I am the queen of signing up for your free information.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:25:55 to 00:26:08

Absolutely. I will look at all of it. I get a million emails a day because all your nuggets I'll put together and I'll put some of it to work. I probably watch an hour of real Estate Education a day, but not contracts. Okay.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:26:09 to 00:26:19

Or marketing type stuff. Yes. How to market listings better. Right. Or how to market myself better, how to improve the company better.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:26:19 to 00:26:37

Whether it's listening to this podcast or just there's a lot of things on YouTube. Yes. Well, yeah, that's the beauty these days about social media is that there are so many avenues to get information. The Internet has done great things for everybody in that it provides so much information. The bad side is sometimes it's too much information.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:26:37 to 00:27:10

Right. And not all the information is great, but that's where you have to sift through and discern what's important to you. But I do love what you just said about how for an hour a day you're typically consuming content to try to I think that that's important because you got to generate ideas, right? And I have this thing about me where I feel guilty because and I showed you my little notes thing, but I have a list of probably 1000 ideas that I want to do right. And I'm not going to get to 99% of them ever in my life.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:27:10 to 00:27:42

But the way I look at it is if I'm constantly trying to come up with things that I can do better and improve right, then I'm going to take one or two of those things and I'm going to start to implement them and move forward. But if I never take the time to try to whatever you want to call it, brainstorm or whenever I talk to my wife when we have conversations about this kind of stuff, I always tell her I'm throwing stuff in the idea bucket. Like, I'm just throwing this in here. You decide on if you think it's good or not, but I'm just tossing it in the bucket, we can decide to do it or not, right? I'm just tossing ideas in the idea bucket.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:27:42 to 00:28:08

But I think that that's important because that's how you come up with better and more effective ways to do what you're trying to do, is by just constantly coming up with stuff. And if you're not going to get to all that's, okay, I think there's a certain level of feeling of failure because, well, I wanted to do these six things, and I never got to five of them. It's like, well, you did one of them, so that's great. That's a place to start. You're ahead of those 80% of agents that were afraid to try.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:28:08 to 00:28:22

Yes. Okay, so you're a broker now, and you started your brokerage in 2020. What kind of led you to decide, hey, I want to do this on my own. I don't want to work for another brokerage. I want to get out on my own to do it myself.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:28:22 to 00:28:35

I started at one of the big box brokerages. And long story short, because sometimes I say long story long. Listen, you can ghost long story. Like, we got a long time do long story long. Sure, absolutely.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:28:35 to 00:28:49

Long story long. But in a nutshell, nothing ever felt like a fit. Okay? But when I started at the big box brokerages, we had these monthly team meetings, and I would go, and I was here for it. I was here for the cheerleading.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:28:49 to 00:28:56

Right. And we kept clapping for the same people every month. So after like six months, you're like, hey, got it. Look who won again. Yeah.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:28:56 to 00:29:31

And it felt very like, well, I'm never going to there are people that that will motivate to get there, and then there are people like me who want a work life balance eventually that I was like, I don't know. I don't see that. So I left there and went to a flat fee brokerage and decided to join a small brokerage here in Mansfield. When you say just so again, anybody that doesn't know what is a flat fee brokerage? A flat fee brokerage, everybody has to pay their broker because there's all these behind the scenes things that you have insurance and tech.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:29:32 to 00:29:44

Yeah. A flat fee brokerage is you just pay a flat fee for each transaction that you close. Plus, I can't remember if they had a monthly fee or not. Sometimes there is a monthly fee. It depends on there are a few out there.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:29:44 to 00:29:54

They're all structured differently. I always say there's the right fit for everybody. Right. Nothing hurts my feeling. There's the right agent for everybody.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:29:54 to 00:30:03

Right. So instead of charging a percentage of your sale, you're just charging one fee, and that's it. Got you. Okay. And so then I went to a smaller brokerage.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:30:04 to 00:30:26

I just wanted something like that. And I thought, I'm going to go in and tell them about technology and all these things. I'm kind of like, I wanted, like, a mentor there. And then there was some hesitation, and then I had a contract. Long story short, I had a contracts question, and I knew the answer, and they were like, I think it's this.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:30:26 to 00:30:41

And I called the attorney, and I was right. And I was like, I'm going to do this. I'm smart enough. You got a little confidence from that. And I said, I just wanted to design it the way that I always wanted to be treated and had the culture that I wanted that I never saw.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:30:42 to 00:30:52

Right. So we're small, but it's the culture I like, right? Yeah. Well, I mean, you created it, and that's what you wanted. And I'm sure it's almost like getting to choose who you go to work with every day, right?

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:30:52 to 00:30:54

It basically is, which is pretty nice, ladies.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:30:57 to 00:31:16

All right, so you got into it because you wanted to create your own little world, right, and create the people around you. So in bringing in people around you, what kind of traits? Because I'm sure you don't just take everybody off the street. Someone who calls you, says, hey, I want to be like, let's talk. Let's figure out so what are you specifically looking for when you're bringing on a new agent?

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:31:16 to 00:31:37

Like, what kind of qualities or traits or habits or whatever it may be that you find as a broker to be beneficial for any agent that wants to join your firm? That's a little difficult because did I tell you my analogy for the cake? I'm going to say it again. It's okay. So I told you, some agents just don't make it in this industry.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:31:37 to 00:31:52

So in 2021, I started bringing on agents. That's when I felt ready. I mean, we had the pandemic, so I wasn't really bringing on people. And so I watched people, and I had this training, and I was teaching them every week, and some I just was like, I love you. This isn't the right fit for you.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:31:52 to 00:32:11

I think you should go talk to these companies, and this is where you should be. And it was just such a huge learning lesson. But I've watched other agents that do not have this personality, but they have another set of skills, and I just decided, like, at the end, for a real estate agent to be a successful real estate agent, it's like baking a cake. You can have a German chocolate cake. You can have a cheesecake.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:32:11 to 00:32:21

You can there's cake at the end. So people can have systems and no personalities and be a great agent. Right. I have all the personality and some systems. Right.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:32:21 to 00:32:28

Working on systems. I'm working on systems. Yes, we're all working on something. And if you're not, then start and. Keep working on your system.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:32:28 to 00:32:53

That's right. And so it just depends. I think the number one thing is, do you have the ability to put in the time and effort that it's going to take to get this off the ground. It is like getting your real estate business off the ground is like starting a train that runs on coal that's been stopped in its tracks. And I know this because I came up with this theory after I had my daughter four years ago, I purposefully stopped because I wanted to be with her.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:32:54 to 00:33:04

I brought my business down. Oh, I see what you're saying. You decelerated what you were doing so that way you could spend time with your daughter. And I stopped. And then as she was two months old, I was like, we should probably get back in the getting the game.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:33:04 to 00:33:18

And it was just as hard. Not just as hard, because the train was still moving. But those first two years, you are putting in so much effort, so much energy, so much coal. And then that thing starts getting some traction. And at that two year mark, I.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:33:18 to 00:33:37

Love that you're putting coal in the train and it start, okay, that's a good one. Then at the two year mark, guess what? You just shovel a little bit of coal in every now and then, you just put a little marketing effort. But those first two years, open houses every weekend, meeting people, put them in the database, touching base with them, all of the things. And now I do not do as many open houses.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:33:37 to 00:33:54

If somebody wants one, I will do. One or well, but that's not your mean that's yeah, I'm great at meeting. Strangers, don't get me wrong. But I don't enjoy it as much because I'm so busy during the week that it kind of changes my desire to do it. Yes, Conrad says that.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:33:54 to 00:34:17

He just tells sometimes the agents suck and they need to go somewhere else. Well, see, I appreciate your approach, at least, because sorry, Conrad. I think it's a good thing because that kind of is part of why you're so good at working your sphere in that. Here's the thing about new agents, right? 80% of them don't work out, right?

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:34:17 to 00:34:41

So if you meet an agent and you say, hey, I think you're great, you're just not a good fit for us. And by the way, here's five other places that you could probably call that might be a good fit for you, and you treat them wonderfully, like a great person. Maybe one day when they flame out, they're going to be looking to buy a house, and who might they pick up the phone and call? You know what I mean? So that's the thing about relationships, is that there's always a possible sale.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:34:41 to 00:35:04

And I'm not saying you need to think about it this way, because every conversation isn't a transaction, but at the same time, every conversation could lead to a transaction. So why would you not constantly have that in your brain? That, hey, look, I want to help you out as best I can. You're not going to fit with us and then let them move on through life thinking that you're a great human being. It's real estate karma, right?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:35:04 to 00:35:10

Real estate real estate karma. Just do the right thing and all the right things come back to you. Yes.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:35:12 to 00:35:48

All right. So we're going to move into another little section of this because I think all that stuff is fantastic, and we'll reshare all these things so that way everybody can get these little tips. But I know that there's another topic that you're very passionate about, so I really want to get into that. But before I do that, if you have any buyers or sellers or know anybody that's trying to buy a new house or trying to sell their house and they need an agent, I would recommend that you reach out to Leslie and her team because and then we're going to put your little there's your little website there. So stickmirealty.com it's got all your information there.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:35:48 to 00:35:58

You can find her on all the social media platforms, especially your favorite one. Is my social media. Oh, right now it's instagram. I am here for instagram. I gave up TikTok.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:35:58 to 00:36:06

You gave up TikTok? That's a hard one to pass up. I'm not addicted to any of them, but I'm very passionate about the Instagram. I think they're doing a great job. They keep me very engaged.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:36:06 to 00:36:19

What is it about Instagram that you like? I like the mixture between the I like what they're offering me. The algorithm for TikTok just narrows it down too much. They get too detailed on what you think. I get, like, a variety.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:36:19 to 00:36:29

Here's a suggested video. I was sick for the first two weeks of the year, and so I had to rest a lot. Right. And so basically, I'm like, I need to redo my entire house. I need it to look like this now.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:36:29 to 00:36:38

But there was some funny, some home. I don't know. I like Photos and the video. I think whatever they're doing over there, I'm here for it. Okay, before I go to the next part.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:36:38 to 00:36:54

So what do you do on Instagram, specifically? Are you into stories, reels, posts? I'm learning instagram. I don't use it often myself, but I'm trying to get better at it because I just want to learn how it works. So what's the most effective ways for you?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:36:55 to 00:37:15

What I'm into? Yeah. Okay. So when people are showing their homes this is going to sound very silly, but it's very relaxing. There's this new trend of people just, like, slowly panning or just leaving it here, and then their windows are open, and I just want to sit in their living room, have my tea.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:37:15 to 00:37:29

Do you know what I always get the acronym wrong. Is it ASMR or the but you know what I'm talking about. Yeah. It's actually like, hygiene or whatever from the Netherlands. They have this thing where every day they spend time with a blanket.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:37:30 to 00:37:43

They get their tea and their book. And this part of their day, you're getting a hug in a mug. Hi. I don't think I could try that voice if I tried. You're doing the hug in the mug, sitting there, drinking your tea, looking out the window.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:37:43 to 00:38:00

Some are, like, beautiful. It's like in my head, I'm moving away from modern houses into warm. And I've been on this trend for a few years. I'm obsessed with when I walk into listings, warm, inviting, where I want to sit down and stay. Yeah, that could be problematic for people sometimes, right?

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:38:00 to 00:38:11

Or maybe not, because you're great entertainer. Sell this house. That's right. And this could all be yours. Is there anything else on Instagram that you what do you use on how do you promote yourself on Instagram?

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:38:11 to 00:38:28

What are you working through? Okay, so I have a marketing person right now, and she's in house, so she's ours. And she does all my social media posts. And she yells at me all the time to take more pictures of myself, but don't feel like I take good pictures. Let me take a picture with this lighting and we'll send it to her.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:38:28 to 00:38:43

We'll just do some screenshots and then we'll put them out that way. And so can I circle back to one thing real quick about the social media? You can do whatever you want. It's free country. So social media, part of staying in front of your sphere is just reminding them you exist and that maybe you sell real.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:38:43 to 00:38:59

So, you know, speaking of, my friend Rachel's been doing a great job of it. I've seen just staying in front of people, posting yourself. That's why she puts my face I have branding photos. You should be doing branding photos yearly, if not quarterly. I can't say anything.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:38:59 to 00:39:10

I haven't had them in a year. I'm going to get some new ones for my team in April. But people have to remember that you actually sell real estate. They don't want you to put it down their throats. Sure, but they just need to remember.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:39:10 to 00:39:31

You want them to remember, right? So just at least from time to time, at least twice a week on your regular feed, post something real estate related. That's the least thing you can do. But good quality content with good graphics. And if anybody needs to know what I'm using, you can private message me, I'll send it to you.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:39:32 to 00:39:58

And I'm going to start making doing the short form videos as soon as my confidence gets up. Well, see, I think it's good because we're here talking about your sphere and how you work, that kind of stuff. But once you kind of have more or less a pretty good processor system down, working one particular area of your business, and then you're ready to grow into the next. Right? You have to be humble to understand, like, look, I don't know everything there is to know about this stuff.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:39:58 to 00:40:05

I'm trying to learn, but this is the way that I'm learning. I'm trying this. I'm trying this. I'm watching this person. It's funny.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:40:06 to 00:40:28

I don't know how the best way to put this. Well, you know what? Here's a better way to put it. I'm a big sports fan, so I have a lot of analogies when it relates to sports. And when you look at athletes that are high performing athletes michael Jordan, Derek Jeter, these guys that have been I'm dating myself, obviously, there's probably younger people that they're aware of all the but.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:40:28 to 00:40:54

But either way, you see these athletes out there and they're performing at a really high level, and then you see some of them that try their hand at coaching. They want to get into coaching themselves, right? And the best example that nobody under the age of 40 has ever heard of is Ted Williams. So Ted Williams was one of the greatest baseball players of all time. I think he still may hold the record for the best average in a season or whatever, but he was a fantastic hitter, great baseball player in his era.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:40:54 to 00:41:20

Then he went into coaching. He's literally the worst coach on the like, they hated him. His players didn't like, uh, Michael Jordan owned a basketball team and tried to coach and was terrible at it as well, because when you're just naturally good at something, you tend to not be able to relate that information to somebody else, right? Because it's just know ted Williams like, well, just hit the like, just hit the like, how do I hit the like? No, just hit the ball.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:41:20 to 00:42:01

But then when you look at great coaches, the Joe Tories, the Phil Jackson's, the, you know, Pat Riley's of the world that are fantastic coaches, most of those guys didn't have tremendous careers when they played because they were operating from a deficit in talent. So that way they had to make their skill set that much better. They had to learn, they had to read, they had to study. They had to do all of those things to become great at what they do. And so when you're looking for somebody to kind of give you advice on how to do stuff, I think it's best to find someone that isn't great at something but just has a passion for learning how to do it because you get so much more from that.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:42:01 to 00:42:11

Do you agree? I think that's absolutely right on. Some of the best people that I followed, they're not even successful. They teach real estate stuff, right. But they're actually marketing people.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:42:12 to 00:42:40

They just are passionate about marketing, how to tell us what to do, right. And I have followed so many new real estate marketing things where they're showing tips and tricks every day, right, and I'm sending it to my agents, or they're sending it to me, or I'm sending it to my marketing girl, and I'm like, we got to add this to the list. Yeah, well, and then once you, especially when you're in a situation like you are, where you have a team and you have people together, then you can start to build systems in place where, like you said, you're not a detailed person. Right. You're a people person.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:42:40 to 00:42:50

You're not into details. So when you're going to hire somebody to work on your team, I would think the best way to do that would be to hire somebody that was really good at details. You don't need another people person. Yeah. Right.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:42:51 to 00:43:04

Correct. You got to balance things out. Yes. And when you go to get that leverage, you do want to make sure it's somebody who does have the skill set for the thing that you either aren't passionate about or that you're lacking. Right.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:43:04 to 00:43:11

You want to complement yourself, not try to duplicate yourself. Correct. Right. Okay. So man, we've got off on a tangent there, but sorry.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:43:11 to 00:43:23

No, I think it's great. It's good stuff. So let's talk a little bit about living in recovery. Okay. So I know nothing about this, and so you're going to explain this stuff to me.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:43:23 to 00:43:44

I've been living in recovery of being a moron for a long time, so I'm continuing to work on that. How many days do you have? 44 years. 44 years is what I have and I'm still working on it every day, according to my wife, at least. So what is that and how did you come to this and what has it done to your life and all the grand questions?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:43:44 to 00:44:08

Okay, yes. So I have not drank any alcohol, had any substances since April twelveTH of 2014. My story, I'm going to make it this could I mean, we can talk for hours on this, but we're going to make it very short. Getting here was, well, this is kind of comical. I lived in west 7th when I was an accountant and I could walk to 18 bars.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:44:08 to 00:44:34

Yes, that's nice. So I moved there in December of 2013 and I went to this establishment that sells alcohol, and the manager was chatting. I went there a lot because it was in front of my building, was talking about how people couldn't they just really couldn't cut it. Living so close to alcohol, I remember thinking, those are sissies. I was literally at my first twelve step meeting a month later.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:44:35 to 00:45:00

How apropos. Right? Set the stage for you. Yeah, but the problem was I didn't just move down there and that didn't happen in 30 days. When I look back after getting into recovery from the first time I drank alcohol and woke up the next day after all of that mess that happened, I looked at my friend and said, when can we do this again?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:45:00 to 00:45:15

And so when you think about that, you're like, that's not a normal what I've learned is normal people are like, oh, I'm never touching that again. Right. And I'm like, let's go. Actually, we were driving back from Austin. I was 17, and I said, is this what you all do on the weekends when I work?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:45:15 to 00:45:36

Because I had two jobs. I wasn't a great student. I was a great worker. I mean, I was an okay student because I knew how to get by in high school. But by the end of that year, that was in May, and by December, I quit both those jobs to lead a full time drinking career, kind of, but I wanted to have fun.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:45:36 to 00:45:58

For me, the first time I drank and I was intoxicated, I literally had this feeling come over my entire body, and I was relaxed, and I had never been relaxed before, ever. Were you a high energy person? Well, you seem that way. I am. And then you have a high I want to be everybody's friend.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:45:58 to 00:46:14

Right. So you put those things together with a little alcohol and a little childhood. Trauma for the perfect reason. That's really what happened. When I looked back, I just always thought, I just drank like other people drink.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:46:14 to 00:46:26

And what it really was is I surrounded myself with people that drank. Like so as far as you knew, everybody lived the same life? Yeah, in a way, I thought maybe I drank slightly excessively. Okay, so you did have that thought in your head a little bit. Okay, yeah.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:46:27 to 00:46:40

And then I was with somebody who, while I was in school, who was like, you can't drink every day and go to school. And I was like, okay. And so he kept me from drinking. I only drank every other day. I let him control my drinking.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:46:40 to 00:46:54

This is, like, so crazy town. And unless you're a person who has a problem with alcohol, this sounds really wild. But it made perfect sense in my brain. And then when that relationship ended, it was just wheels off. And that was about the same time that I graduated college.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:46:55 to 00:47:12

And I was 31 when I graduated college, about the same time that I started this accounting job. And when I started the accounting job, it was very stressful. Everybody in there has the same fancy degree. They've been doing this a long time, but they don't have drinking problems. And accountants aren't exactly part of yours either, right?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:47:12 to 00:47:20

Oh, no, they oh, they do. They drink just low key. They look boring. But we had a kickball drinking team. Okay.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:47:20 to 00:47:30

All there. They would literally run around and be like, are you going to play today, Leslie, or you're just going to drink? I'm here to drink. And they were like, okay, apparently you. Missed the kickball drinking team part.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:47:30 to 00:47:32

The drinking part of.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:47:35 to 00:47:47

Of there was always a lot of pain. Basically, it just started to go down. Alcoholism in and of itself is a progressive disease. They call it a disease because there's no cure, and it will kill you. Got you.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:47:47 to 00:48:03

And I know many, many people that quit for many, many years. And the moment they pick back up in their 50s or 60s, they were shocked how they drank worse because it's a progressive disease that you and what I've learned is, there's nothing wrong with me. I didn't do anything. There's a genetic component. It runs in my family.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:48:04 to 00:48:25

And a lot of my family is sober on my mom's side, not on my dad's side. A lot of us are sober and in recovery. Would you say that you kind of punished yourself a little bit and you felt like the guilty inside, which is what kept you from trying to maybe get better is because you felt like you were at fault? And it wasn't a disease. You didn't look at it that way.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:48:25 to 00:48:38

You looked at it as a character flaw. Honestly, I had no clue. I'm going to tell you, actually, this friend called me today. I have a few very successful in my eyes, like, I want to be them. They're very organized.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:48:38 to 00:48:53

They're very high level executive type people. She came to visit me that December in west 7th because I just moved into my own place by myself. And she said to me, I'm complaining about my life. I'm complaining about my ex. Everything is terrible.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:48:53 to 00:49:18

The world is terrible. And she looked at me and she said, do you ever think that maybe alcohol is the problem? And I was like and I'm not joking. Never once, not a time did I ever think that was and I looked at her, I was like, Absolutely not. And of course, the night that seed was planted, oh, within a week, she was like, well, you know, one of our friends is he's been sober a year now.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:49:19 to 00:49:32

So I spent the next week on the phone with this person, convincing him that you were fine, that I'm fine. You know who does that? People that aren't fine. Right. Well, that's a really great friend, by the way.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:49:32 to 00:50:03

That's a hard conversation to have with somebody to say, hey, look, I don't know that I could ever do something like that. I always say, those two save my life. Because if she hadn't planted that seed and he hadn't put up with me while I tried to figure it out and that was December, and I went into my first meeting, the first week of January, because I lost a day, never had lost a day before where. You don't remember what happened, where it was. And then it still took four months because some people take a long time.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:50:03 to 00:50:14

Some people walk in their first meeting, and then that's it. They walk into a twelve step meeting. They never drink again. But for me, it changed my life. It gave me a life.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:50:14 to 00:50:24

It gave me tools. I got to look, I got to examine. I'm still very involved in twelve step programs. I'm going to tell you a secret, okay? You'd be surprised.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:50:24 to 00:50:46

Who shows up. Well, not who shows up. I'm telling you, there's people you're doing business with that you do not know. They live a program of recovery, and they have a great life because of that, and it's amazing. Do you think is it more common in that circle to be open about your recovery or to be silent about it?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:50:47 to 00:50:54

Open. There are some professions out there that you will not like. You don't want to hear your surgeons in recovery. Right? Yeah.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:50:54 to 00:51:16

And there's medical groups, like, just for medical professionals, so they can there's lawyer ones, there's, whatever. I take it very seriously. People's anonymity or whatnot, but I'm very open about the fact, and I don't see anything wrong with it because I'm just like so I didn't drink for the last nine years. You're welcome society. I don't know.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:51:17 to 00:51:33

Yes, this is how you get all of this. And sometimes when I'm really a mess or emotional, I'm like, you too, could be this great after nine years of not drinking. Well, you got to celebrate your success, though, with that, because otherwise super awesome. Yeah. What are you doing?

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:51:33 to 00:52:00

I mean, it's an accomplishment in that you had a lifestyle in a way that you existed that was detrimental to you and caused you a lot of grief and pain and came from a lot of places, obviously, but that's still the life you were living. It's kind of like the I'm a pretty, I guess you would call, liberal person. Like, as far as, hey, you live your life how you want. I'm not judging you. You do your thing.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:52:00 to 00:52:37

But I think people have to work on themselves more than anything else we talked about. Worry about yourself, like, focus on you and be the best version of you that you can be. But I also believe that there are certain parts of society or certain situations that people get thrust into that cause them to have problems, right? Whether it be financial problems, whether it be problems with alcohol, whether it be sexual abuse. There's all kinds of things that can put you in a place as a human where you're set back from the crowd, meaning you're behind in the race.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:52:37 to 00:53:14

Right. We're all racing to get to the finish line, and you're behind because you had these things happen. And I think there's a certain segment of society that is like, well, you got to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and figure it out. There's an element of that, and there is a level of personal responsibility that you have to take because what's happened to you has happened to you, and all you can do is react to what happens going forward. But we also have to understand how people got into situations they got into and to not have that appreciation for saying, hey, look, you went through some stuff and you figured out a way to come out of that and be a better that should be celebrated, because to me, that is the exception.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:53:14 to 00:53:37

That's not the rule. Most people wallow in their misery for the rest of their life, and I think it takes the exceptional person to stand out and say, hey, no, look, this is what I did. And I think you should celebrate it, because when you can talk about your recovery and your challenges that you had, that can be, I think, a certain level of inspiration to other people to say, you know what? If she can do it, then I can get my shit together, too. Right?

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:53:37 to 00:53:48

Absolutely. And I want to say one thing. Nobody that's trying to do recovery is a bad person that needs to get good. Right. They're a sick person that needs to get better.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:53:49 to 00:54:08

And to top it off, my greatest joy, like, outside of my child, I will get a message from somebody, leslie, I know you're sober. I'm struggling with alcohol. Great. Let's talk. Because I know that feeling of how hard that call is to make, how hard it is to say those words right.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:54:08 to 00:54:29

And to be vulnerable with somebody. And the pure joy that I know what's on the other side if they will just get sober and what a great life they will have if they will do that. And so it's almost like I'm like, okay, come on. Yeah, it's just like you're coaching them. There's nothing yeah, I guess you are.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:54:30 to 00:54:40

I should be a sobriety coach. You should sobriety coach. They have those I think they're called sponsors. Right. They have the paid ones, but probably do the one that's there's, the one that's free if you want to just give me a call, tell you where it goes.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:54:40 to 00:55:03

Right. But it goes back to what we were saying earlier, is that you struggled with something and you had to figure your way out of it. Right. And I'm sure that you've had your pitfalls and had close calls and all that kind of stuff, but without having that experience and going through the hard times yourself and knowing what it's like for someone, then how are you supposed to relate to somebody else who's going through it? Right.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:55:03 to 00:55:14

You have to be vulnerable and be able to tell them, hey, I did all this stupid shit, too. Like, I was bad. I didn't take care of that. I let my life get to this point, but now I'm in a better place, and here's how I did it. Right?

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:55:14 to 00:55:42

Yeah, she's off there. But I think that for you and your ability to be able to share that with other people, is there a certain level of it that helps you as well? Do you get a little bit of benefit in that also, where you're kind of myself? Yeah, I am fully aware of the stigmatization that could exist by being public. I mean, this isn't that public.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:55:45 to 00:55:59

For all tens of you. Yeah, but once a year, I talk about it on my birthday. I say, it's been this many years. I don't like blah, blah blah all the time. We're very careful about what we say, and I just say I'm very grateful.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:56:00 to 00:56:13

Last year was eight, this year will be nine. But just those little nuggets people know and then they remember. So when they struggle, they call. So I am very proud of myself. The key to all that is staying humble.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:56:13 to 00:56:22

Sure. Higher power, all that jazz. But also there's been a little bit of fear. Can I tell you a story? That's what we're here for.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:56:22 to 00:56:35

So it was my first year in real estate. Okay. And you were talking earlier, and I just wanted to say, your first year in real estate, just eat everything free that everyone offers you. Go to every lunch, go to every happy hour, go to every title, training, how we survive. That's right?

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:56:35 to 00:56:50

You can't afford to pay your bills because you're not making any money, and you're having to pay all the realtor fees sometimes. Go get food prizes, you show up. Win your gift cards, do everything you could do. Yes. So it was an after work happy hour, and it was hosted by I don't know, I'm just not going to say.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:56:50 to 00:57:11

It was hosted by two people in two different industries. And my friend there, she outed me in front of everyone and said that I was sober. And I am barely a new agent. Like in a general conversation or like standing in front of the group. No, there's like ten people in a circle, and we're talking, and I wanted to die.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:57:11 to 00:57:19

I mean, I was new to a profession. I didn't really know about the profession. We're in a professional setting to me, because we're like talking to the people that are our peers.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:57:22 to 00:57:33

I feel like I could cry right now. I wanted to just melt. And I was so mad at her. And this woman pulls me aside a few minutes later, and she was like, hey. I think she could read it all over my face.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:57:33 to 00:57:41

And she was like, hey, so you're sober? And I was like, yes. And she's like, how much time do you have? And whatever it was at that time. And she goes, yeah, me too.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:57:41 to 00:57:53

Twelve years. I go to this group and I was like and I forever bonded with that woman. Now, she's not a realtor. She's in the industry. She made me feel safe.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 00:57:53 to 00:58:07

She made me feel seen. She made me feel not alone. And then now I go around and I'm just like, oh. Because we don't say it's like we're like a secret society. But that was probably the best gift that she could have given me, was acknowledgment.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:58:07 to 00:58:29

Yeah, she basically told you, it's okay, it's okay, you don't have to be embarrassed about it. Yes. Because this is something that you're struggling, that kind of stuff. Again, it takes a certain type of person to be able to have the guts to be able to say, hey, look, this is what I'm going through. This is how I'm struggling with it, because it does carry a stigma to some people.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:58:29 to 00:59:06

And if you live in fear of that because then you're worrying about what other people think all the time. And that's a big thing, is you cannot live in fear of things that make you uncomfortable, because those things that make you uncomfortable, you never know what you can grow from and what you can be on the other side of that, going through it, for sure. And there may be things you go through that you learn, this was awful. I can't ever do that again. But then there may be other things where you go through something that's terribly frightening and then you come out the other side and you're like, man, I mean, how many times in your life have you gone and I'm sure you have a lot.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:59:06 to 00:59:41

How many times have you gone through things that were horrible that you came out the other side going, look, I don't ever want to do that again, but I learned all of this stuff from that experience, and I'm going to carry that with me forever. Like, I'm done learning lessons. That a I don't know why it's on social media all the time now, but there's an old John Wayne clip, and it made me think of this, where this little boy is like fishing or something, and he's like, you don't know how to swim? And he's like, no, sir, I never learned. And he picks him up and just throws him in the pond, and his mom is standing right there.

Mike Mills (Host) | 00:59:41 to 01:00:06

She's like, what did you do? He's like, well, he's got to learn at some point. But that experience is you were terrified about bringing up your sobriety and talking about it in public, and this chick just basically threw you in the pond and say, hey, figure it out, and thank God you had somebody there as a life preserver to go, hey, no, it's okay. It's okay. But, I mean, you were thrust into that situation, so you didn't make that decision necessarily, right?

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:00:06 to 01:00:29

But that situation and that experience made you who you are now, because now you're comfortable to talk about it. I mean, I'm not saying you're out there bragging about it, but you're certainly like, hey, look, this is what I went through, and I'm okay with it. If you want to ask me questions, sure, there was a little bit. I mean, I'll tell you personally when you told me, I was like, okay, well, I didn't really know what to say. Okay, that's tough.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:00:29 to 01:00:40

I don't know what to say about that. And then when I asked you to come do this with me, I was like, hey, how do you feel about talking about it? And you're like, yeah, let's do it. I want to talk about that. I'm like, okay, it makes me feel better.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:00:40 to 01:00:56

But that's real estate recovery, right? Real estate recovery. But people on the other side, if you haven't gone through that or you don't know what it's experiencing, you don't know how to react. And so I know from your side, you probably feel that and want to take away that, like, hey, it's okay. I'm an open book.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:00:56 to 01:01:23

Ask me any question. And you had mentioned, too, before we started talking about this today, that you wanted to relate real estate and your recovery together because you feel like to some extent, there might be a little bit greater thing going on in real estate industry as a whole when it comes to alcohol, right? Yes. I saw this interesting it was funny to me. I saw this on one of those social media sites.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 01:01:23 to 01:01:34

It's now called bam. And they asked a bunch of agents, how do you feel about alcohol in the real estate industry? And all these comments were like, it's a problem. It's a problem. And I was like, it is.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 01:01:34 to 01:01:48

I don't see it anywhere because my life is so far from that. Even like, when I see alcohol, I don't see it. Yeah, it's right there. I don't see it right in front of you. I just can't do that.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:01:49 to 01:02:04

And by the way, real quick, there is literally four bottles of alcohol sitting right in front of Leslie right now. And I had asked her when we met the first time, because we were talking about it, I was like, well, how do you feel about being around it? She's like, I don't care. I'm fine with it, or whatever. So I'm not contributing here.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:02:04 to 01:02:14

I've what are you going to do? Like, live in a Heidi hole? Right. Forgot what we're talking about. Alcohol and recovery.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:02:14 to 01:02:15

Yeah, real estate and alcohol.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 01:02:18 to 01:02:37

This can be a really stressful job, and there are a lot of parties, and there are a lot of happy hours, and I would just like to say, but a lot of people do a really good job. I just want to throw this out there. If you are somebody and you find yourself struggling, you just message me. I won't talk to you about real estate. I'll just talk to you about what you need.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 01:02:37 to 01:02:47

But I don't know. I think there's actually a lot of industries, and to me, what they are, they're high stress environments. It's like accounting. There was a lot of drinking and accounting. I know.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 01:02:47 to 01:02:55

In the medical field. There's a lot of drinking in the medical field. Real estate, financial services. Financial yes, financial services. And even education.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:02:55 to 01:03:05

Oh, gosh, yes. And what is it? Okay, friday nights we're going to go. It's just so well, it's very prevalent in our society. It's so prevalent in our society.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:03:05 to 01:03:15

Advertised everywhere. They're telling you how to relax, have a bacardi. That's what you see on TV every day. Yeah, lies. But honestly, we've kind of glamorized it.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 01:03:15 to 01:03:39

So we're like, here's a cute backpack, and it's got a thing. And I'm like, you might have a drinking problem if you buy a purse that has a flask attached to it. My favorite is hey, Diana is the commercial for Michelo Boltra where they show, like, the guy and the girl, they're out there working out, and they're running, and they're sweating, and they're like, Whoo. That was a great workout. Got to get us a Michelob ultra.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:03:39 to 01:03:59

Who does that? Who goes and runs 5 miles and then cracks open a Mick Ultra and goes to pound it down? Well, my other interest, you would call it I want to call it a passion yet, because I'm still working on getting better at it myself. But is health and wellness. How do you feel?

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:03:59 to 01:04:19

Better? Because I really believe that the more you work on yourself physically, especially the more mental clarity you have in life, and therefore, it's such an important part of your day. Like, you have to get out there and move. You have to do these things. But where I'm going with that is that alcohol one of the things that I've learned over the years, and I used to drink all the time, and I still drink.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:04:19 to 01:04:36

Like, I don't not drink, but I just don't drink as much as I used to. And it's more related to the health side of things because it used to tell you that, hey, one glass of wine a day is really kind of good for your heart. It's okay. That's not true. You're literally poisoning yourself.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:04:36 to 01:04:48

Every single time you drink a glass of wine, you drink a beer. There's so many studies out right now. One is like one is bad. But listen, I'm not here to shame anybody. Please, if you can drink, have one for me.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 01:04:48 to 01:04:58

Be a normal person. What do I love that's so terrible? I mean, sugar. Yes. And I've had a very stressful year, so I've gained weight.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 01:04:59 to 01:05:11

We're not perfect. You're like, I'm like, I need to get on that, put that system in my system, and I'm working on it. But the science is out there. We know smoking and drinking is not good for you. Correct?

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:05:11 to 01:05:29

Yes. It's bad for you. And that's where I've tried to change my habits a little bit with that stuff. And even same thing with my wife. We've both kind of started to move in that direction, because the other thing, too, is when you start taking better care of yourself physically, when you do things that aren't physically good for you, you feel them way more.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:05:29 to 01:05:41

So if I don't drink for two weeks or a week two weeks, a little stretch. I don't know that. But if I don't drink for a week or have anything, then I get to Friday or Saturday, and I have a couple of drinks the next day. I feel like shit. I feel terrible.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:05:41 to 01:06:05

And I'm like, I really don't want to do that. And you don't want to kind of keep moving in that direction. And so it's just creating good habits for yourself to have mental clarity, to have physical clarity, it makes everything else that much better. And I don't ever want to I've never gone through what you've gone through. I'm not an alcoholic, at least not to my knowledge.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:06:06 to 01:06:35

But I do know that struggling through those things and then just taking that bad, terrible habit that you had and eliminating that has taken your it sounds like has taken your life to such a level that it was an addiction issue, but it's also a health issue and has improved, I'm sure improved all aspects of your life into making it better. I'm not going to go in detail, but I 100% know if I'd have kept drinking, I wouldn't be alive today. Right. I was having health problems at 31. Right.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:06:35 to 01:06:47

It wrecks you. It really does. And I watched this video, I sent it to somebody, I'll send it to you, where the number of young women needing liver transplants has like, quadrupled. Oh, wow. It's just crazy.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:06:47 to 01:07:29

Well, I'm sure we're going to make some people mad about that, but the tens and tens that are watching here but I think we've especially women, and this is my perception, you're a woman, so you can tell me if I'm stupid, which women tell me that all the time. So when I'm looking at the way that there's this thing and you see it on social media all the time, this glass of wine thing, I've got my white wine, I've got my red wine. It's like, oh, I just need a blanket and a glass of wine. It's like we've almost created this world where we've made drinking not only just an acceptable habit, but almost like an enviable habit. Like, you go, girl, you have a couple of glasses of wine and be you.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:07:29 to 01:07:36

You deserve it. I don't want to shame anybody. No, not at all. Drink. But those things bleed into you after time.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:07:36 to 01:07:56

Because if you see that constantly over and over again and you're drinking every day, half a bottle of wine or two glasses of wine or whatever the case may be, and you look up, maybe you're a little heavier, maybe you're a little lethargic, maybe you're a little tired and you just don't know what it feels like. Exactly. Here's my business degree at use. Are you ready? Here we go.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:07:56 to 01:08:09

Business degree coming in. Sharp camera. Everything has an opportunity cost. So, yes, the opportunity of enjoying the night, you deserve that sometimes, no matter what that is. It's like whether you're drinking or not drinking, whatever that is to you.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 01:08:09 to 01:08:18

Like, staying up late kills me too. But it's going to cost something. What is it going to cost? How you feel the next day or your health? So in business, everything has an opportunity.

Lesley Stegmeier (Guest) | 01:08:18 to 01:08:32

Every single thing you do has an opportunity cost. So if you look at everything in that way, sometimes it's a little more fun or easier to assess things. Yeah, well, I think that that's a great way to wrap this bad boy up. So we're an hour and ten minutes in. It went by fast, right?

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:08:32 to 01:09:04

Yes, it goes by quickly. Well, between the two of us, we don't have a lack of words, so there's never a shortage there. I really appreciate you coming in. We're definitely going to have to do it again sometime and kind of get together and brainstorm, because I think that going back to our original conversation about the sphere, everybody's looking for ways, especially nowadays with the market being slower on how to get in front of more people, talk to more people, get involved in your community. And I think you have a lot of great ideas behind that.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:09:04 to 01:09:33

And I hope as a community of real estate professionals, whether it be lenders, title companies, realtors that we can all share without share ideas, share tips without feeling, like you said, the scarcity mentality, where there's not enough business, there's plenty of business to come around. And what we're trying to do is just elevate everybody, help everybody get better at what they do. Husband says you did a great job. Fantastic. Conrad's a hoot.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:09:33 to 01:09:34

Yes.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:09:36 to 01:10:09

Opportunity costs on college. That's right. So I do hope that we can all figure out how to share more between us and kind of be okay with sharing our secrets and helping everybody. Because if as an industry, we get better, we have so many threats coming into us from outside corporate interest, trying to buy real estate brokerages, trying to do lending and all of that stuff, that we have to stay local and we have to work with our community. And I think that sphere work and staying involved with people and getting involved in your community is such a big deal.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:10:09 to 01:10:17

And I want to have you back at some point to kind of keep diving into that. Sounds fun. Thank you. All right, thanks for everybody that stuck around. We appreciate all the comments today.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:10:17 to 01:10:30

So we'll have this all clipped up, and you can see some smaller pieces of it later on. Leslie's reading all of it. See her little face right there? She's checking it all out. I'll be back next week, on Thursday, maybe Tuesday by myself.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:10:30 to 01:10:54

We'll see, but I'll be back Thursday for sure. I have a foundation expert with me. His name is Reagan Parsons, who's going to join me, and we're going to talk about all things foundation. So when you're listening and you're getting ready to help buyers out, what to look for, how to make sure that you're not getting on the foundation, issues happen in Texas all the time, so we want to make sure that everybody's informed on how to with that stuff. So appreciate everybody that stuck around and we will see you next week.

Mike Mills (Host) | 01:10:56 to 01:10:56

Bye.